


Daddy Issues

by NotMitaka



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awkward Boners, Crack, F/M, Father Figures, Large Cock, big dick ben solo, celia are you happy now, more tags added as i figure out wtf this is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:07:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotMitaka/pseuds/NotMitaka
Summary: Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there lived a young man named Ben Solo.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crossingwinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crossingwinter/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Like Sands Through the Hourglass](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17604980) by [jeeno2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeeno2/pseuds/jeeno2). 



> Thank you so much to TheUltimateGinger for the beta!
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic posted online. Please be gentle with your feedback <3

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, there lived a young man named Ben Solo.

To everyone who would gaze upon him he would seem to have everything a young man could wish for.  His father was a handsome rapscallion; his mother, a princess. He was comely to look upon, with a chiseled jaw and big tiddies, and many ladies in the Inner Rim would fight to look upon him and would say he was too handsome for words.  Furthermore, while the galaxy was very poor, Ben Solo and his family knew nothing of hunger, of want, of sickness.

But Ben Solo knew a great sadness. 

Unbeknownst to everyone in the galaxy–well, unbeknownst to everyone except to  _ one _ fair maid who was too horrified, afterwards, to tell the tale–Ben Solo suffered from a strange and unusual affliction:

His dick was the size of his arm.

It was not an uncomely dick, as these things went. It was smooth where others tended to be smooth; shapely in all the ways a normal man’s should be.  But because of its prodigious… well,  _ size… _ young Ben could wear naught but a very strong supportive pair of special undergarments under his britches or else risk the bulge of his affliction unfurling itself straight through the leg of his pantaloons and down to the ground.

If that happened, Ben knew that all the people in the galaxy would scream and faint dead away from shock. Mothers would quickly run and grab their children, shielding their eyes from his shame. 

And so on, and so forth.

In short, his life, as he knew it, would be over.

He hoped and dreamed that he would one day find a woman who would appreciate him for who he was.  Who would be able to take all of him and ask for it a second time. Who wouldn’t run away in horror every time he pulled down his pantaloons.

He would frequently lie abed late into the night – all three of his legs nestled snugly under his down blanket – picturing the girl of his dreams.  He hadn’t met her yet but for some, inexplicable reason, he just  _ knew _ she had hair she kept in these three little weird manbuns (but for a girl, so maybe they’d be called “girlbuns”? idk), freckled skin, and hazel eyes.  She’d like fixing stuff and would be REALLY good at it. And she would always mistrust men whose names rhymed with  _ “Schmoe.” _

When not moping around the house, despondent about the overlarge size of his dick, sometimes Ben would even paint this mystery woman on the bit of canvas he kept in his bedroom. 

The woman of his dreams.

But he knew that for people like him, dreams just didn’t come true.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the best readers in the galaxy.

One pleasant and sunny midsummer morning, Ben – wearing his strongest and most supportive undergarments  – was walking through the forest gathering berries for his mother. 

Just as he was about to turn for home, he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, a hunched-over old man wearing a sparkly gold lamé robe slowly but purposefully making his way towards him.

“Young Ben?” the old man asked him, his voice scraggly and strange.

“Yes, I’m Ben,” Ben said, in surprise.  How did this old man know him? He thought he knew everyone in this part of the galaxy, yet he was quite certain he had never laid eyes on this person before in his life.  His knowing his name gave him great pause.

But the old man, ignoring his distress, merely nodded.  And before Ben knew what was happening he began to sing a beautiful song.  A song he’d never heard before, except maybe once before in a long-forgotten dream:

_ “Penis, gleam and glow _

_ Let your foreskin shine…” _

Suddenly, the front of his crotch started –  _ glowing! _  The old man smiled, and there was a crazed, maniacal gleam in his eye.  The glow from his crotch seemed to please the old man, and he began to sing more loudly and more forcefully:

_ “ _ _ Make the clock reverse _

_ Bring back what once was mine...” _

Ben knew he should run, that all of this was a very bad thing.  But he was inexplicably rooted to the spot. Curious about what was happening to him, Ben peeked inside his pantaloons and discovered the source of the glow was, in fact, his own enormous dick.

When he looked back up at the elderly man, he was no longer elderly.  The beams of light shooting out of his pants were bathing him in an unearthly glow and she now had the appearance of a much younger man.

“What did you…  _ how _ did you…” Ben stammered.

The man reached out his hand and wrapped it around his wrist like a vise by way of wordless response.

“You’re coming with me,” he snapped at him.  “Your new  _ daddy.”  _ And without another word, he whisked him away in his chariot which I forgot to mention earlier but which was totally there the entire time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer a question many of you had: yes, a lot of this story was inspired by our favorite movie, "Tangled." In our opinion it's the best thing ever.

Ben was held captive in the old man’s tower for many long months.

Every day, for weeks, Ben could see and hear search parties coming from the direction of his family’s estate in the north. But no matter how loudly he screamed for help from the tower’s lone window, they were never able to hear him.

And then one day, the search parties simply stopped. On that day, Ben’s heart broke like a black helmet smashed against an elevator wall, because he knew it meant he would spend the rest of his days up here, locked away.

It was lonely in the tower. His only company was a weird penguiny bird he’d found early in his captivity that the old man let him keep as a pet, and the old man himself, who came to see him once each day to sing to his enormous dick. His dick would glow as he sang, the old man’s fake youth would be restored, and that would be that. The old man would smile at him, pat him gently on the head (no not  _ that _ head; get your minds out of the gutter you pervs), and go down the tower stairs to conduct the rest of his affairs.

Ben hoped and prayed every morning and every night that someone–maybe even the woman of his dreams!–would eventually come along and rescue him. 

But he knew that that sort of thing never happened in real life.

 

* * *

 

 

One night, approximately six months into his captivity, Ben was awoken from a sound sleep by a loud crashing noise coming from the direction of the tower window.

“Dammit!” he heard a woman say in a loud whisper. 

“What the–“ Ben began, before trailing off, petrified.

“Oh, my goodness!” the woman said, sounding very alarmed.  “I’m sorry but–I mean, I didn’t realize this tower was… occupied.”

Ben grabbed the lantern by his bed and quickly turned it on. He held it aloft so he could see who the intruder was.

But he nearly dropped it when he realized that the intruder was none other than the woman he’d been dreaming about his whole life. And she was even more beautiful than he had imagined.

“REY!” he exclaimed. He didn’t know why he said it; it simply felt like the right thing to say at the time.

“Um…. Yes,” the woman replied, sounding uncertain.  “That’s me. I’m Rey.”

_ Oh _ , Ben thought.  _ That was a lucky guess.  _ He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat as Rey stepped closer to him and to his bed.

“I’m escaping,” she said, as if that explained everything.  

“What for?” Ben asked, confused. “And from where?”

And then, without another word, the woman of Ben’s dreams lifted up her skirt and showed him.

“What… by the gods…” Ben said, breathless.  “Your… your…”

“Yes, I know,” Rey said, mournfully.  “I  _ know _ . It’s enormous.”  She pulled her dress down to cover herself.  “The creepy old man I work for says I’ll never find a handsome prince given my… condition. My best friend for has been muttering strange, cryptic things about me when he thinks I’m not listening. Something about a ‘hot dog’ and ‘throwing it down a hallway,’” she continued bitterly. “Whatever that means. Regardless, this morning I was awoken from a sound sleep by four burly men, and they chased me out of town.”

She sat down and began to cry. “I climbed this tower, hoping I could find a new home where I’d be safe.”

“Rey…” Ben began, reverently.  He got out of bed and walked over to her. He took her hands in his. “I know I just met you, but there’s something I’d like to show you, too.”

Just as Ben dropped his pants to show Rey what they had in common, the old man barged into the tower, shrieking and sputtering.

“Get  _ out _ , get  _ out _ !” he screeched at Rey.  “You are too powerful! Be gone, vile wench!”

“Who is this?” Rey might have asked.  But she didn’t. Instead Rey grabbed a laser sword that she randomly and totally had with her this entire time, even though she’d just climbed up a really tall tower. She tossed it to Ben who caught it easily.

He then turned, and used the laser sword to cut the creepy old gold robe guy right the fuck in half.

The old man was dead instantly, and vanished into a pile of dust before he hit the ground.

“You’ve saved me,” Ben said, reverently.

“And you’ve saved me, my love,” Rey said, touching his dick tenderly.

They then swung down to the ground, out of the tower window, via Ben’s enormous love hammer, already madly in love.  


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was lurking on twitter the other day (I’m still too nervous to get an actual account) and I stumbled upon people discussing what they thought might happen should this story’s Ben come down with a case of the morning woodies.
> 
> I must admit I was captivated by everyone’s insights. This chapter was partly inspired by that conversation, and more or less represents my own personal headcanon as to what arm-dick Ben getting a boner might look like and what the aftermath might entail. Feel free to share your own headcanons in the comments! Because you know you have them too.

And then, the boners started.

 

* * *

 

Ben Solo was no stranger to discomfort when it came to his arm-sized dick. He had, of course, spent most of his life until this moment trying to hide his shame away from the world, which usually meant very constricting clothing whenever he went out in public. Also less than an hour ago, he used it to swing down from that tower that creepy old gold robe guy kept him in. The tower window was easily 9800 feet off the ground, so using his dick to swing down from it could not possibly have felt good.

But until this moment—until Rey: his real life; his reality; rescued him—he’d never had an actual hard-on before. Even though he’s idk like thirty years old or something which is pretty old to be getting a boner for the first time.

Why had he never had a hard-on before? The reasons for this were not completely clear, though probably it was due either to: A., The restrictive undergarments he wore restricting blood flow to any and/or all of his nether regions; or B., and the most likely scenario by a mile: millions of shrieking fangirls in a galaxy far, far away would lose their fucking shit if he even thought about sporting wood around someone who wasn’t Rey.

Either way, and for whatever the reason, he hadn’t ever had a boner until about forty-seven minutes after Rey rescued him.

It would prove to be his undoing.

“Hi, Ben,” Rey said. They were alone in the forest now, with no one nearby save the birds in the trees and the fangirls waiting with baited breath to see what happened next. She touched his arm. He shivered, for reasons having nothing to do with the weather. “I want you to eat me out now, okay?”

“Fuck yes,” Ben breathed, musingly. He was born to eat Rey out. Of this, he had no doubt.

And then just like that, Ben’s arm-sized dick exploded like a fountain inside his pants, spreading out in all directions until it burst from his clothing and hit him right the fuck in the eye.

Five seconds later, he passed out—either from excitement, from blood loss to his brain, or because he’d just been brained by the tip of his very hard, very large dick. Most likely, it happened because all three of those things happened at the very same time.

He fell to the ground and hit his head on a rock, which was really going to hurt when he woke up. If he ever woke up.

 

* * *

 

Rey stared at the face of her not-yet lover, and then down at his enormous dick. It was still hard, and still so big it wouldn't fit back inside his pants no matter what she did.

With a start, Rey realized that fucking this guy was going to be a lot harder than she’d anticipated when she rescued him from that tower. But Rey Johnson was no quitter. Oh, no.

All she needed to do now was come up with a plan.

Fortunately for these purposes, it didn't like Ben was going to be waking up anytime soon.

She had lots of time to ponder options.


	5. okay guys i need some advice.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies in advance everyone. I'll probably delete this later.

This is NotMitaka here, breaking the fourth wall for a brief moment because I'm kind of in need of some advice. I'm sorry if this is awkward, but I don't have anyone to talk about this with IRL.

My best friend and beta (I won't mention him again here; I reference him, though, in this story's initial a/n) has decided he don't want to write Supreme Leader x Scavenger stories anymore for the F.O. He is trying to become a published author.

I have never been more conflicted in my life. Because on the one hand--I'm happy for him. He's worked hard. REALLY hard. He deserves this. If ANYONE deserves success, it is him.

But on the other hand, I find myself really struggling right now with feelings of inadequacy, worry about whether or not T.U.G. and I will remain friends once he becomes even more successful--and, as ashamed as I am to admit it, jealousy.

No one in our real lives know that we write stories and post them online. No one can EVER know. And so I'm here, asking for some advice, because no one I know IRL would understand any of this. Do I carry on, writing about Ben Solo and his life with his arm-length dick without a beta (because he just told me he can't be my beta anymore; have I mentioned that yet? yeah-- he's too busy working on a new draft for his original work) and pretend my heart is not breaking? Or do I stop writing for a while--possibly forever--until I can get my head on straight?

Again, so sorry to be doing this. But I don't know where else to turn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to be such a downer. I promise the saga of Ben Solo and his arm-length dick will return once I am able to devote the proper head space to it.


End file.
